Owning my story
I’ve been terrified and excited at the same time when I have thought about starting this blog. But nothing has stressed me out more than trying to answer the question: “Where do I begin?” So I’m just going to start with where I am now and go forward from here.
I've been feeling so awesome and genuine when I speak from my heart and I am true to myself. This is something I've only recently learned how to do over the last year. Most of my life I have catered to others by changing who I am to stop confrontation or make people like me or just do what I thought they wanted me to do. In living this way, I created a heavy layer of masks. Those masks covered up so much pain and fear and self-esteem issues. Instead of working on those issues, I drank to dull the pain and became those masks and a shell of a person. Now that I've begun truly living from the heart, and really owning my own story and turning my fears into faith, I have created a solid surface upon which I plan to build myself up from here. I need to stop worrying about how others feel or react to my life choices. I chose and have worked extremely hard at my sobriety for the last nine months because it keeps me safe. No matter what other people think or say or do, I need to keep being genuine and true to myself in order to stay safe. I can't keep trying to please people or read their minds. I have to stop being afraid that people won't like me. I like me. I'm even beginning to love me. Other people have the right to not like me if they so choose, or judge me as well. I have to stop being so terrified of what I think may happen and just be true to what I know in my heart is real, and know that what happens is supposed to happen. I don't have the power to foretell the future and no one else has the power to make me feel anything. I feel how I feel because there are unhealed parts my soul that need mending. And everyday that I wake up grateful, is another day closer to healing and walking my true path on this planet. My hope is that by being transparent and honest about my story, it may inspire someone to stay strong and make the choice to always be good and true to themselves first and always.
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Until next time...