Life on life's terms
I haven't been myself lately... stress has my head in the clouds... pain has been exhausting... circumstances outside of my control have been heavy on me... and I literally am so far behind in all responsibilities and goals, I want to cry all the time... not to mention the fact that some of my plans have been derailed and I'm completely unsure of how to move forward.
I don't write this to complain or ask for pity or prayers. I tell you this as a proud moment... because despite all the above madness, I'm ok. I haven't drank. I haven't smoked. I haven't chosen any self destructing behavior other than some over-eating. Each day I wake up and try again. I remind myself that I am in control of one thing and one thing only... myself.
I'm still new to this being human thing. this feeling emotions thing without running away from them, without drowning them, without self-medicating or self-destructing. but somehow, through it all... I'm breathing and I'm grateful. I am learning every day to live life on life's terms. I am working on not allowing anxiety to drain my energy. I am trying to place my energy where I actually have control in my life.
Right now for me, it's not one day at a time, it's been ten minutes a time because life is changing fast and furious right now and that's all I can handle.
Breathe. Pause. Let light and love in. React. Repeat as necessary.